Things Wrong with a Jackson 5 Reunion Tour

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So Jermaine Jackson claimed yesterday to The New York Times, that a reunion of the Jackson 5, with Michael, and sister Janet even in tow. As much as I'd love for the idea of a Jackson 5 reunion tour to become a reality (as much for the songs as for the grand hot mess of keeping all of the Jacksons together in the same place for months on end), I just don't see it happening, and probably for the better.

Here's a list of reasons why the Jackson 5 Reunion Tour should not, and most likely will not, happen:

1. Can even Michael hit those high notes on "I'll Be There" anymore?

2. Didn't the Jacksons start some sort of family rule a few years back banning Tito from doing anything that requires opening his mouth? (wait, maybe that was LaToya...)

3. Michael the child singing school-age come-ons in "ABC"=cute. Adult Michael singing school-age come-ons in "ABC"=creepo.

4. Apparently Janet is going to open for the rest of the Jackson 5. Isn't she the most successful out of all of them now? Shouldn't they be opening for her? Ms. Jackson could probably take her nipple shield on a tour of conservative Baptist churches and still pull in bigger crowds than Tito and Co.

5. Since when did the New York Times actually decide to listen to Jermaine Jackson?

6. What do you mean the Randy they refer to isn't the guy from American Idol?

Regardless of what Jermaine may say, look for this one to probably get denied by Michael very soon. The whole situation looks unlikely, especially since Janet has had trouble managing her own tour recently. But if you want to catch a Jackson on tour, Janet and her vertigo are probably the best bet you'll find for awhile yet, regardless of what Jermaine says to bring attention to a failed musical dynasty. Continue reading "Things Wrong with a Jackson 5 Reunion Tour"

How Procedurals are Killing Soap Opera Drama

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So the big story of this year's TV season has nothing to do with a particular Californian zipcode (90210). It doesn't have anything to do with paranormal science, either (Fringe). And for the second season in a row, it still doesn't have anything to do with box-store employees with CIA on the brain (Chuck).

Nope, this season's breakout TV hit is procedural show The Mentalist, on CBS starring Simon Baker. The show has broken from the pack to become the only bona fide top ten hit of the year. The show, which follows Baker's faux-psychic Patrick Jane as he solves serious crimes for the California Bureau of Investigation. Yet one of the crimes that Jane should be investigating, is how procedural dramas, and their success, are slowly killing the strength of the soap-opera based drama. Check out why, after the jump!



Procedural dramas, in their modern form, came to rise with the enduring popularity of Law and Order, which started nearly 20 years ago on NBC. That show soon turned into a franchise, with two others spawning and gaining their own success. Yet the procedural crown is currently held by The Mentalist's network, CBS. The network also airs the three CSI franchises, Cold Case, Criminal Minds, NCIS, and Without a Trace. So essentially, CBS has enough procedural dramas to run at least one each night of the week. While one may assume that people would get tired of watching the same format of crime-based show every day, this seems to not be the case: CBS has won every week of the fall primetime season thus far. As we head into November sweeps, everything is very much coming up CBS.

So, since CBS seems to have divested from everything that isn't a procedural drama, what does this mean for all of the more traditional soap-opera dramas airing on the other networks? They're falling short by any and all standards. Returning shows Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives have seen ratings dip again this year. Meanwhile, returning sophomore soaps have taken a significant hit: Dirty Sexy Money, Private Practice, Lipstick Jungle, and Heroes are all down anywhere from 15-30%. All of this has led to a creative tailspin in the drama departments at all the major networks. While returning shows are failing to live up to expectations, new shows aren't living up to the hype either. While Fringe, 90210, and Knight Rider have all received full season orders, none of them haven proven to be the ratings titans their networks had hoped.

Unfortunately, this isn't just a case of one procedural show outshining all the other dramas. New serial dramas have failed in the consequent years since 24 and Lost reinvented the genre. Likewise, the soap opera genre has failed to generate a significant hit since Desperate Housewives began in 2004. So what's the issue causing the big difference in ratings between these genres of one-hour shows?

People just can't commit anymore. Procedural shows such as The Mentalist, Law and Order and CSI excel at emphasizing the majority of each episode on the actual story itself, instead of the development of the characters. This means that viewers get more hooked on the format of the cases than the actual characters investigating them. It also means that people can tune into CSI after missing half the season, and still be able to catch up on what's going on in a heartbeat. There's no dedication required, except to the hourlong story being presented at that time. It's a strong feature that has allowed shows such as the original Law and Order to undergo numerous cast changes over the years without missing a beat.

The idea of becoming dedicated to a show is daunting. I myself am I rabid Lost fan, yet I will be the first to admit that it takes a lot of dedication to wrap your head around the show, to understand its ongoing mythology and character development. While the payoff is often an emotional whallop that CSI: NY could only ever dream of delivering, at the same time, that dedication means watching Every. Single. Episode. I`ve missed an episode halfway through a season of 24 and all had been lost (no pun intended). To devote that time and have it not pay off is not only frustrating, but disheartening.

What this means though, isn`t the death of the soap-opera or serial drama. It just means you may have to call your cable provider. Cable networks such as HBO, Showtime, FX and now AMC (home of the recent Emmy-winning Mad Men) have all excelled at developing character-driven dramas, and have incidentally reaped the awards (siphoned viewership from the major networks) as a result. So maybe what the future of television isn`t one without serial dramas, you may just need to shell out a few extra bucks to sift through the crime dramas in order to get to some real character development.

In the meantime though, you the viewer shouldn`t be afraid to get addicted to a TV show, let alone one that doesn`t involve an open-and-shut quadruple-homicide-mutilation-cold-case-missing-person-navy crime each week. In an age where PVR`s and DVD seasons have become commonplace, even if you don`t have time to sit down for appointment TV each week, you now have the convenience of finding the time. So go find some, as well as a great show that won`t waste it.

Continue reading "How Procedurals are Killing Soap Opera Drama"

CW Plans Melrose PLace Reboot, Starts Search for Thomas Calabro

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Well, if Desperate Housewives ever goes in the shitter, at least Doug Savant knows what his backup plan is. After the success of 90210 at the CW, the network is planning on continuing their trend of making their primetime schedule look like an episode of I Love The 90's, by planning a reboot of Melrose Place.

While 90210 hasn't been the ratings juggernaut that the CW is hoping it would be, it has still become a clear success on Tuesday nights. No doubt the CW is probably hoping to bring back a few members of the old cast (I'm a big proponent of putting Heather Locklear in just about anything). No further news on the development, but former series creator Darren Star may be on board.

The original Melrose was a semi-spinoff of the original Beverly Hills 90210 back in 1992. The show focused on twenty-somethings living in the same apartment complex in Los Angeles. The show often embraced far more soap-opera-esque storylines and had no fear of camp. Throughout the show's seven year history, characters faced multiple personalities, murders, bombings and more double-crosses than one could count. If the CW could embrace some of the camp from the original, then perhaps this could make a welcome addition to the CW's schedule.

However, if the CW starts a reboot of The X-Files, they're to be taken to task for their FOX circa 1993 identity crisis.

To check out of Melrose's more significantly campy moments, when resident uber-loon Kimberly (Desperate's Marcia Cross), sets of a bomb, play the clip below:


Continue reading "CW Plans Melrose PLace Reboot, Starts Search for Thomas Calabro"

Where is the Trailer for 'The Road'?

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Easily one of my top five movies to see this fall (the others being Quantum of Solace, Australia, Defiance, and Milk), the adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's The Road, is slated to be released on November 14th. Yet aside from a few production stills, we have yet to see any live footage of the film, let alone a teaser or a full trailer. So what's the deal? Find out what may be going on, after the jump!



To say that the film version of The Road is highly anticipated would be an understatement. McCarthy's book was critically hailed upon its release, winning the Pulitzer Prize and becoming an Oprah's Book Club selection. The film, directed by John Hillcoat and starring Viggo Mortensen and Charlize Theron, has been the subject of immense Oscar buzz since it started filming, due to its November release, and its cast of awards-friendly stars (Robert Duvall has a small role as well).

So with a film that many are expecting to be in the Best Picture final five come February, one would assume that distributor The Weinstein Co. would be willing to play that buzz game they're so good at, and start to build the hype, right?

Apparently not. With less than a month to go, there's been little to no advance word on The Road. The Weinstein Co. hasn't even mentioned a date when a trailer may be released. What's more, the film hasn't screened at any film festivals thus far either. This is a cause for concern, considering another Oscar contender, Baz Luhrmann's Nicole Kidman-Hugh Jackman epic, Australia, is being released on the same day, and could very well walk away with all the hype.

Dave Karger from Entertainment Weekly, believes that the film may be pushed back until 2009, because the Weinstein Co. seems to want to put its full Oscar push behind Stephen Daldry's The Reader, starring Kate Winslet. While it seems unlikely that a company would push back such a strong Oscar contender, the Weinsteins have been known to do such things in the past, which means that sadly, we may have to wait even longer for this epic father-son journey to be told onscreen.

With a month left to go, do you think we'll see The Road in theatres this fall? Are there any other films that you're wondering why they've gone off the radar? Post below!

Continue reading "Where is the Trailer for 'The Road'?"

It Doesn't Get Any More Creepo Than: Sarah Palin on 'SNL'

Read more! Things are about to take a turn for the bizarro tonight on Saturday Night Live. Alaska Governor and VP Candidate Sarah Palin, the real Sarah Palin, will be appearing tonight on SNL, in some capacity. To make things extra political, Josh Brolin, who stars in Oliver's Stone's newly released W., is the guest host tonight. Now of course, guest hosts and politicians appearing on SNL is nothing creepo. But the possibility of having Tina Fey appear as her dead-on Sarah Palin impersonation, possibly in the same scene as the real thing, is enough life-imitates-art-imitates-life to make my head explode. This could be even more bizarro than when Superman visited Bizarro world and met Bizarro Superman. So creepo!

My greatest wish? That they bring back Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek, and have a Celebrity Jeopardy skit with Brolin as George W., contending against both the real and fake Palins. Oh the hilarity that could ensue!!! Especially if they bring on Darrell Hammond to play Sean Connery again, just to whump some Scottish sense into all three.

Saturday Night Live will air live from New York, as always, tonight at 11;30pm on NBC. Continue reading "It Doesn't Get Any More Creepo Than: Sarah Palin on 'SNL'"

Absorb This: Andy Roddick Offers Up Nude Tennis Lesson

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According to the Los Angeles Times, Andy Roddick went beyond the call of charitable duty recently at the 16th Annual Advanta World Team Tennis Smash Hits event, hosted by Elton John to benefit those with AIDS in Georgia.

Apparently, Roddick auctioned off a private one-hour tennis lesson, but sweetened the deal by agreeing to do the lesson fully in the nude(!). The lesson was won by a female bidder, for the sweet price of $15,000.00.

So apparently, if you have 15 grand lying around and feel like giving it to charity, you can see Andy's peen in the process.

Five bucks says Elton's a little envious he didn't place a bid.

Read the full story, here.

Continue reading "Absorb This: Andy Roddick Offers Up Nude Tennis Lesson"

Thank U, Dave Coulier

Read more! Oh Dave Coulier, where have you gone over the years since Full House went off the air? Bob Saget was recently roasted on Comedy Central in hilarious fashion, John Stamos is the resident stud doctor on ER, Lori Loughlin is the hot mom on the new 90210 (to which I must say, Jim and Cindy Walsh were never that hot. My how times have changed). Hell, even the Olsen twins are still raking in the dough just from puckering their lips and looking strung out.

Yet Dave's career took a nosedive after the cancellation of America's Funniest People. Maybe because the show was crap. Maybe because anyone who gets paired with Tawny Kitaen automatically gets their career screwed (see: Whitesnake, OJ Simpson, Tommy Lee). But regardless, Dave has been MIA ever since, (except for that season of The Surreal Life). Yet I will always be thankful for Dave Coulier. Not for his contribution to TV, but to rock music. If you're a rock fan, then You Oughta Know what it is, but check after the jump to check it out!



So this past weekend, I went to go see Alanis Morissette at Hamilton Place, and to sum it up quickly, she rocked my socks off. During a 90 minute set, she played a fantastic string of new songs that, while I'd never heard them before, were still highly enjoyable and entertaining. Along the way, she peppered the set with her greatest hits, including "Uninvited", "You Oughta Know", "So Pure", "Head Over Feet", and a fantastic acoustic version of "Hand in my Pocket". She topped off the evening with two rousing encores, during which she belted out "You Learn", "Ironic" and "Thank U" while backed by her incredible (and seemingly very tightly-knit) band. What's more, Alanis rocked out on the stage, happily running back and forth and shaking her long hair in the air like a possessed demon. Her voice was pitch perfect the entire time, one of those rare occurrences where you discover the singer doesn't need any vocal enhancement. So amazing!!! Easily one of the best concerts I've ever attended (time to amend that Top 10 list).

So what on earth does this have to do with Dave Coulier? For those who are unaware, it has been revealed over the years that the majority of Jagged Little Pill, Morissette's 1995 legendary rock debut, was based around her relationship with Coulier during the mid-90's. Specifially, the songs "You Oughta Know" and "hands Clean" from 2002's Under Rug Swept are both about Coulier. Of course, "You Oughta Know" broke out in the mid-90's and launched Morissette's career as an international superstar, leading to the album becoming one of the highest-selling of all time. So while Morissette's fantastic career ever since then has been largely credited to her, I feel it's time Coulier got some props for inspiring her angry songs that made her popular in the first place. So Thank U, Dave Coulier, for being such a giant douche of a boyfriend. Otherwise I, like many others, may have never been able to experience the wonderfulness of Alanis.


Continue reading "Thank U, Dave Coulier"

Inside This Fall's Diva Girlfight

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The fall music season is well under way, with several artists debuting lead singles from new albums to be released before Christmas. With the continuing decline of album sales, the market for grabbing a share of the Soundscan pie is more fiercely competitive than ever. This can be seen no more clearly than in this fall's Diva Girlfight. With Pink, Britney, Beyonce, XTina and more releasing new albums, who's the most likely to come out on top? Check it out, after the jump!



Here's the Contenders, along with their chances at Diva Girlfight Victory:

Christina Aguilera: While the lead track from her forthcoming Greatest Hits album, "Keeps Getting Better", shot up to 7th on the Billboard Hot 100 last week, it's tumbled already out of the top 10, during a week that saw rival Britney Spears shoot up to the top spot. Yet with the album being a compilation and not one of original material, it's unlikely that XTina will dominate this fall, in favour of saving it for her next full album, due out next summer. She may not dominate now, but count on it once the weather goes above 30 degrees again.
Odds of Girlfight Victory: 20-1

Alicia Keys: Ms. Keys is one of the few in the industry who can do no wrong. While you can expect her album from last winter to start cleaning up the awards (it qualifies for this February's upcoming Grammys), she's presenting a tough sell of single this fall: Her collaboration with Jack White on "Another Way to Die", the theme from the upcoming James Bond film, Quantum of Solace. While the single certainly rocks (why wasn't this genius pairing thought of sooner?), getting it to catch on with Keys' RnB and Pop radio demographics may be a challenge. The added bonus? It may gain her a few extra rock fans as well. Since it's only a single, don't look for Keys to annihilate the competition this winter (for once). However, one can certainly expect this single to be just as (if not more) successful as Madonna's "Die Another Day" from 2002.
Odds of Girlfight Victory: 15-1

Jennifer Hudson: Regardless of the critical praise thrown upon her debut album and lead single, "Spotlight", it was only this week that the song finally cracked the Top 20. However, it shows signs of a slow burner, as it also just reached the No. 1 position on the Hot RnB/Hip Hop Songs Chart. What's more, Hudson's base garners largely toward the adult-contemporary crowd as well, and that demographic could certainly help boost sales through the holiday season, provided a second single garners such attention.
Odds of Girlfight Victory: 12-1

Pink: Pop's favourite angry wounded singer of the moment is enjoying a career resurgence, thanks to her hit, "So What", hitting the top spot on the Hot 100, and staying steady in the Top 10 ever since. Given the momentum leading up to the release of her next album, Funhouse, on Oct. 28th, look for Pink to have a very enoyable fall indeed. With a slew of radio-friendly tracks from various uber-producers waiting in the wings, look for Pink to possibly generate something even more rare in today's industry: A hit with legs. Got any doubt? Two of her last three albums, M!zzundastood, and I'm Not Dead, both were still in the top ten a year after release. So even if fall doesn't work out, spring is looking good for Pink too.
Odds of Girlfight Victory: 6-1

Britney Spears: Any warblings about Spears' comeback being nothing more than talk (including my own) seem to be unfounded. Today it was announced that Ms. Spears broke the record for greatest gain on the Hot 100 in history, bounding from 96-1, giving Spears her first No. 1 since "...Baby One More Time". With hype building to a peak for her next album, Circus, it appears that Spears' comeback will finally be solidified. Even if the album fails to sell ginormous amounts, if it still contains a slew of hits at radio, look for Spears to dominate most of her competition this autumn.
Odds of Girlfight Victory: 2-1. It would be higher if not for...

Beyonce: You might as well call her the comeback killer. Beyonce leaves many fans divided, mostly because people envy those who are incredibly talented, beautiful, and seemingly never take a misstep. They may have more to envy, because with the release of her two new singles, Mrs. Jay-Z seems to have avoided the missteps altogether once again. "If I Were a Boy" is a surefire hit ballad with mass crossover appeal, much in the vein of "Irreplaceable'. In addition, "Single Ladies" doesn't share the heavy bass or horns of predecessors such as "Deja Vu" or "Crazy in Love", but it does come with ridonkulously catchy beats, and a video that schools Ms. Spears in the dance (and hot bod) category. Since Beyonce's album will probably also score high on the album charts as well as with critics, it looks like fall may belong to a Dreamgirl.
Odds of Girlfight Success: Even

Agree or disagree? Feel as if there's room for more than once champion? Did we miss a contender that would wipe the floor with all of these divas? Post a comment!

Continue reading "Inside This Fall's Diva Girlfight"

Have You Ever Had a Movie Go Weird On You?

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So it was Thanksgiving this past weekend here in Canuckville, and since my friend Jen and I had nothing to do on Thanksgiving Monday, we decided to catch a late matinee of Bill Maher's new documentary, Religulous. The two of us happily chuckled along for over 90 minutes as Bill and Co. made idiots out of religious senators, "Ex-gays", angry Mormons, outspoken musicians, and even the curator of a Creationist museum (yes, there's a Creationist museum. It has animatronic people living happily in harmony with Dinosaurs. Yes, Dinosaurs. There was a triceratops wearing a saddle).

Yet as Bill got to the end of his religious trek, things got weird. The last three minutes of the film contain Bill calling out to all those who are non-religious to speak out against those who are religious, and that people who are religious should defect from their chosen faith, because continuing to adhere to religion will bring about the end of the world, all to the score of some scary fire-and-brimstone music.

Now I'm not complaining for any reason that has to do with being pro-religion. After all, I went to see the film to see Maher rip apart religious zealots for 90 minutes. But the ending didn't suit the rest of the film, where the jabs were humorous and satirical, not serious and tying every religion to nuclear war. There was just a big disconnect from the first 90 minutes of the film, and the last 3. And that's why it got weird.

Have you ever had a movie take a U-Turn into Weirdville? Feel free to post in the comment section below!! Continue reading "Have You Ever Had a Movie Go Weird On You?"

Best. Live. Performance. Ever.

Read more! In celebration of going to see Alanis Morissette(!) tonight at Hamilton Place, I've decided to run down my top 10 live performances I've ever experienced at concerts over my many years of concert going. Check out the top 10, after the jump!



1. AC/DC, "You Shook Me All Night Long", SARStock Toronto, 2003: Of all the many (many, many) live acts that performed at this 2003 festival to promote tourism in Toronto after the SARS crisis, AC/DC was by far the best. Performing in front of a crowd of 500,000 people, their hour long set was the culmination of great expectations for spectators for baked in the hot sun for the daylong festival. While virtually all of their songs were memorable, particular notice deserves to go to their signature hit, which brought the crowd's excitement to a fever pitch, and consequently led to AC/DC stealing the show right out from under the nose of the headliners - none other than the Rolling Stones.

2. U2, "Where the Streets Have No Name", Toronto, 2005: I had been waiting for years to see U2 live, after many unsuccessful attempts at getting tickets to previous tours. After finally lucking out with their Vertigo tour, I had high hopes for the band that Rolling Stone once called the greatest live act ever. They certainly didn't disappoint, and topped an incredible 2 1/2 hour live set with their hit from 1987's Joshua Tree. Rousing, energetic and uplifting, it was the perfect capper to an evening that proved their worthiness of the Greatest Band in the World title.

3. Heart, "Crazy on You", Toronto, 2008: After showing up to the concert late, we caught the tail end of Heart's opening set for (the heinous) Journey. As their encore, the Wilson sisters raged through their signature hit, with Nancy masterfully playing a 2 minute solo intro to the song. Once she started singing, sister Ann showed that with the best singers, voice deterioration with age is never a worry.

4. Dave Matthews Band, "Ants Marching", Toronto, 2002: Dave and Co. and notorious for playing their songs jam-style, which has lead to a devoted following similar to those who borderline stalk other jam bands like Phish and the Grateful Dead. The Air Canada Centre stunk of the ganj that night, and after my friends and I took part, we proceeded to zone out to Dave's hypnotic rendition of "Ants Marching", which continued on for over ten minutes. Long? Yes, but the song left you feeling like you were under the table and dreaming.

5. Pink, "Who Knew", Toronto, 2007: It's always a pleasant surprise when an opening act steals the show out from under the nose of the headliner. In this case, it was Pink who blew Justin Timberlake outta the water while opening for him on his FutureSexLoveShow Tour. In a show that included daring gymnastics and sweaty dance moves that even Justin would envy, her peak came with her 2007 hit, "Who Knew", which showcased something Pink is often underestimated for; her powerhouse vocals. Who knew indeed.

6. Oasis, "Don't Look Back in Anger", Virginfest Toronto, 2008: As has been previously mentioned, Noel truly showcased how to not look back in anger, after being attacked onstage at this recent event on Toronto island by a moronic fan. After a ten minute break, he came back and played the best song that was performed all day, an acoustic version of the song that was all beauty and no anger.

7. Plain White T's, "Penny (Perfect For You)", Toronto, 2002: This was the concert that turned me on to Plain White T's, a full five years before they broke out with "Hey There Delilah". None of us had known who they were when they opened for Jimmy eat World at this 2002 show, but by the end, we were all lined up to get our albums autographed by the band. The highlight was the angry tune from their album Stop, which addresses the spite geared towards a shallow ex. The whole album is incredible, but live, this was the angsty highlight that made away with the evening.

8. The Spice Girls, "Stop", New York City, 2008: Many a person would cry blasphemy at the idea of the Spice Girls being placed on a live act top ten list. However, since expectations were low in terms of singing quality, the girls were a surprisingly talented treat during their reunion tour last winter. The best was their opener though, which feverishly energized the crowd, as they reunited (and flawlessly did the hand motions to) "Stop". Victoria Beckham still can't sing, but that doesn't stop them from being incredible overall entertainers, something essential to crafting a great live performance.

9. Blink 182, "Damnit", Toronto, 1998: This performance, littered with adolescent fart and penis jokes, probably wouldn't make my top ten if I saw it now. However, when I was fifteen, I was all about Blink 182, and this was the first concert I went to. Nothing can compare to the first time you hear a song you're obsessed with, from the band you worship, live. In my case, that first time was with "Damnit", just before Blink truly broke out onto the mainstream pop-punk scene with Enema of the State. I may not enjoy it as much had it been today, but well, I guess this is growing up.

10. A-Rae, "All I Want Is You/Save Tonight", Georgetown, 2008: This highly underrated Canadian duo, currently on hiatus while Amy (the "A" in A-Rae) treks around BC, have become the masters of the acoustic cover. Furthermore, their inspired medleys of various songs provide thorough excitement to their rabid fans (myself included). While their fans all have their own opinions of their favourite A-Rae tunes, my own without a doubt has to be their cover medley of two hits from U2 and Eagle Eye Cherry, respectively. The seamless blending of the songs, combined with their soulful harmonizing, are truly something to leave you in awe. The best part? Their performances of the song weren't just good the one time, they're amazing. Every. Single. Time. When the A-Rae Reunion Tour comes back around, I'll be first in line.

What about you? had an awesome experience at a concert that blew you away? Comment in the section below!!


Continue reading "Best. Live. Performance. Ever."

Absorb This; 'Chinese Democracy' Gets Release Date; Dr. Pepper Kicks Self in Ass

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Yes, it's officially true. As announced on Billboard yesterday, Guns'N'Roses frontman Axl Rose has officially announced the date of what we thought would never, ever happen: Chinese Democracy has a release date. Find out the release date after the jump!



So yes, Axl has officially promised that Chinese Democracy will be released exclusively through Best Buy stores, available on November 23rd. The album has become almost urban legend within the industry and fans alike, as the trials and tribulations of the band have caused the album to be delayed countless times over the past 15 years.

To help promote the release, album track "Shackler's Revenge" will be included as a track on Rock Band 2 (which means that yes, Rock Band's key demographic wasn't actually alive the last time a GNR album was released. Jebus I feel old). In addition, another track, "If The World" will be featured over the ending credits of the film Body of Lies, which is opening today.

One big question remains though, which is whether Chinese Democracy can live up to the hype built by 15 years of anticipation for another GNR album. With album sales continuing to dwindle, the chances of a GNR-inspired frenzy are slim. However, the album is being released during American Thanksgiving, which should give it an interesting, if temporary, boost. Whether Rose and company can launch a satisfying comeback from that, will depend on Rose's ability to not go back to being a creepy dreadlocked hermit.

In other news, soft drink Dr. Pepper announced last spring that it would give a free can of Dr. Pepper to every American (except Slash and Buckethead) if Chinese Democracy was released in 2008. "We're waiting to hear about 'Chinese Democracy' just like all the other GNR fans," Dr Pepper VP of marketing Tony Jacobs told Billboard. "But if the rumors are true, we're putting the Dr Pepper on ice."

Props to Dr. Pepper for making good on their promise. But do you think they may be regretting shilling out 300 million free cans of Dr. Pepper in this starved economy? I guess the chances of expanding that promise to Canada are pretty slim now. Damn.



Continue reading "Absorb This; 'Chinese Democracy' Gets Release Date; Dr. Pepper Kicks Self in Ass"

A Mingle of Singles: Judging the Latest Crop of Wannabe-Hits

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Fall is often the biggest battleground for music, as artists and labels release albums that are aimed to garner both critical praise (eligibility for the Grammys ends every year on Sept. 30th), and commercial success (the biggest album sales weeks of the year are always from American Thanksgiving thru Christmas). So it's no surprise that many a music uberstar is shilling their latest single, in hopes of getting a large piece of that album-sales pie. Hit after the jump to check out critiques of the latest singles from Britney, XTina, Kanye, Akon and more!!!




"Womanizer" by Britney Spears: I've tried. Oh good lord have I tried to like this song. After being skeptical of her "comeback' after her success at the VMA's, I though to myself that a strong single would vanquish any doubts from Britney's critics (myself included). And since "Womanizer"'s release last week, I've made valiant attempts to like the song. The verses are incredibly catchy, but then she gets to that idiotic chorus, and it just goes all downhill. The repetitiveness isn't catchy, it's downright annoying, and reminds me more of a Sarah Palin speech. Couldn't they have added just one more line to the chorus, aside from "you're a womanizer?". Regardless, the song will probably be a hit, and solidify that much-ballyhooed comeback.
Rating: 5/10


"Keeps Getting Better" by Christina Aguilera: The little girl with the big voice debuted this new track, of her upcoming Greatest Hits album, at the MTV VMA's back in early September, but it's only started to gain ground now. Perhaps it took everyone awhile to get hooked on the song, as her performance at the VMA's was slightly bizarre and may have hindered interest. Needless to say though, it has grown catchier with age, and radio seems to agree, as the song rocketed to number 7 on the Billboard Hot 100 this week. Aguilera may have shamelessly stolen her new look from Lady Gaga (who, in turn, shamelessly stole her look from a Cher drag queen), but when it comes to belting out a tune, XTine just keeps getting better.
Rating: 8/10


"Right Now (Na Na Na)" by Akon: I've been an unwitting slave to Akon and every single song he's been featured on since "Smack That" two years ago. Yet that streak seems to be broken here, where he's falling into the same repetitive chorus rut that's also effecting Ms. Spears. Is everyone in the music industry losing their creativity, or are they all learning new tracks from a producer with a stutter?
Rating: 4/10


"Love Lockdown" by Kanye West: Captain Ego has brought forth an interesting new track, one that consists of sparse, steady beats and a vocoder-enhanced singing voice, in place of blazing horns, egotistical raps, and Daft Punk samples. The result is insanely compelling, even if it's a rare Kanye track you can't dance to. Props to Kanye for boldly going where very few rappers have gone before (namely, singing). Clearly it's more "Diamonds are Forever" than "Gold Digger" in terms of mainstream accessibility (as witnessed by its plummet from 3rd to 15th in its third week on the Hot 100), but creativity has never gotten in the way of Kanye's success, so don't look for it to start now.
Rating: 9/10

"Human" by The Killers: I'm in the minority of people who found The Killers' venture into arena rock, Sam's Town, an enjoyable affair. Most prefer the hot dancing mess that was Hot Fuss (which overall, is the superior album of the two). This songs seems to be an attempt to get The Killers back to their dance-rock, 80's synth-inspired roots. Produced by Stuart Price, who brought Madonna back to the dancefloor with "Hung Up" in 2005, "Human" has all the elements that should make it a dance-rock hit, yet there seems to be something missing from this tune, something that ultimately won't lead it to having a constant rotation at Phil's on a Saturday. Maybe it's the lack of hard electric guitar and bass running a current through the song, like they so wonderfully did in "Somebody Told Me". Maybe it's the fact that the songs catchiest synth beats aren't even in the chorus. Or maybe it's that the song contains the most ridiculous lyric of the year: "Are we human? Or are we dancer?" Gee, I don't know Brandon Flowers, can't we all be both? Unfortunately, this lead single leaves me with very little to be Mr. Brightside about.
Rating: 2/10


What do you think/ Agree? Disagree? Got another single you love/loath right now? Post in the comment section below!!


Continue reading "A Mingle of Singles: Judging the Latest Crop of Wannabe-Hits"

Yet Another Reason To Heart Heart

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This:

I don't know if it's true, but regardless. Way to go Ann & Nancy!

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The Opinion Swinger: "Two and a Half Men"

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This is a hard pill to swallow.

I didn't want to admit it for a looooooooong time, but after watching too many episodes where I genuinely found myself laughing, out loud no less, I feel compelled that I must finally admit it.

I like Two and a Half Men.

How did such a thing occur? After the jump!



It's been a good, long while since I last enjoyed a sitcom with a laugh track. In fact, I haven't watched a laugh-track-filled sitcom since the days when Friends was on the air. Since then, I've (very) happily received my sitcom jollies from comedies that can be, at least in the traditional sense, considered very non-sitcomy. Arrested Development. 30 Rock. The Office. Ugly Betty. Extras. All have taken distinctive and inspired approaches to the sitcom format and came away with great success, so much so that many (myself included) have long seen the laugh-track format as dead.

And why not consider it dead? After years of feeling uninspired by a laughing machine trying to force a guffaw out of me, it felt refreshing to see sitcoms where the focus was more on the script and the acting than trying to get a laugh out of the viewer via laugh-track peer-pressure. Since all the laughs I was getting were coming from non-traditional sitcoms, the idea of watching one such as Two and a Half Men, Everybody Loves Raymond, and other "traditional" sitcoms sounded about as pleasant as having dinner with Fred Phelps.

Yet TAAHM has been on for quite a few years now, and it was pretty much unavoidable that eventually, I would see an episode. This was aided by the fact that my roommates love the show and have it on in syndication on a fairly regular basis. I tried to make a valiant effort to dislike the show for several reasons (I'm not a big fan of Charlie Sheen or John Cryer, the laugh track, the fact that every story seems to be something I've seen on any episode of any other sitcom ever created in the history of earth). Yet somehow, unavoidably, no matter how hard I tried, I found myself in the end laughing along to the randomly hilarious storylines of TAAHM.

For this, I credit the most to the strong supporting cast of the show, particularly Holland Taylor (whom I've always loved since her days on The Practice) and Conchata Ferrell, who provide blisteringly funny support as Sheen and Cryer's mother, and Sheen's assistant, respectively. Also, Angus T. Jones as Jake (the "half" from the title) has proven to become very gifted in comedy, especially for such a young actor. Even Sheen and Cryer have become more likable to me, as their odd-couple dynamic is surprisingly fresh.

Props however, should also go to creators Chuck Lorre and Lee Aronsohn for making excellent use of quality guest stars. One particularly great episode featured Elvis Costello and Sean Penn as Sheen's "support group". The one that officially changed my opinion though,was the recent crossover episode with CSI, which deftly lampooned CSI's greatest trademarks with wit and fantastic comic timing (largely thanks to Taylor).

And so, I have no found myself actually enjoying a sitcom with a laugh-track again. Thankfully, it's much easier to do when the show is actually funny enough to inspire one to laugh without the aforementioned laugh-track peer-pressure. So here's to Two and a Half Men, for showing that the "traditional" sitcom isn't dead yet. Consider my opinion swung.


Continue reading "The Opinion Swinger: "Two and a Half Men""